


It's Date Night, Listeners!

by astudyinfic



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale Setting, Carlos - Alec, Cecil - Magnus, F/M, M/M, Malec Monday, One Shot, WTNV AU, intern Sebastian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: A Seelie army is marching on Night Vale.  What could be their reason?  And will it be over in time for Magnus to go out with Alexander and his perfect hair?- - -The WTNV AU no one asked for.





	It's Date Night, Listeners!

**Magnus** :  As the sun sets on another day in our quiet desert community, we give thanks for a day well lived, and lock our doors in fear of the night to come.  Welcome to Night Vale.

-[Theme Music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9f2C0SOdqg)-

**Magnus** :  Guess what?  It’s date night, listeners!  I know what you are thinking.  ‘Magnus, is it safe to have date night with the packs of rabid werewolves still on the loose?’  And I assure you we have taken every precaution.  I checked the restaurant’s wards personally and Alec promises that he will be decked out in his most festive – and protective – runes.  And if he reapplies a certain one to his neck?  Well, I can tell you that I know exactly where the night will be taking us. 

But before I can get to my date, I have a show to do!  Because, as you all know, I take my job as a Community Radio Personality very seriously.  What would you all do without the dulcet tones of my voice coming to you every night from your favorite community radio station?

We have been receiving reports that Victor Aldertree, the spy for the Clave’s Secret Police, is causing trouble in the old town square.  My callers are saying that he is out there standing on a crate and randomly accusing passersby of being vampires and werewolves. 

Now, as we all know, vampirism is easily spotted by finding someone who is stunningly good looking.  When I first met my Alexander, I worried that he might be infected but as you all know, it turns out he is just beautiful, not vampiric.  I myself have been through the confirmation testing a number of times and I can promise you, that garlic-holy water bath does wonders for your skin.  And, with the full moon tonight, there really shouldn’t be any question whether someone is or is not a werewolf.  Also, there shouldn’t be any passersby but I will assume they are protecting themselves properly.  Let’s stay safe out there people!

The reports are telling us that the Clave’s Secret Police have arrived to escort him from the scene. You’re not fooling anyone, Clave!  We all know who he is working for, even if you continue to deny it.  That Clave!  Always pretending to not know who its own spies are.  We will have more on this story if it develops.

Listeners!  It appears we have a very special caller.  One with perfect hair, deep warm eyes, and an affinity for both Italian food and scientific discovery.  Alexander!  A pleasure to hear from you darling.  Couldn’t wait until our date tonight to talk to me?

**Alec** : You know I always want to talk to you, Mags.  Wait, are we on the air?

**Magnus** : Of course we are.  It is during my show, after all.  But my listeners love when you call in.  And so do I, of course.  What was it you needed, Alexander?

**Alec** : I… I just wanted to let you know I might be a few minutes late for our date.  Lydia and I are getting some strange readings from over by the dog park and we want to go look around.  I’ll be back as soon as I can but I didn’t want you to think I stood you up.

**Magnus** : Be careful, Alexander. Do not go into the dog park.  The Clave’s Secret Police and the City Council have both been very clear on this matter.  Scientific discovery is great but it is not worth your life or the lives of your team.

**Alec** : Science is always worth it, Magnus.  But I promise not to go in there.  Raphael already had this same talk with me.  Apparently, his boyfriend went in there and came out months later as a vampire.  I didn’t know that was how vampires were made so I am going to test that as well.  But tonight, we are just checking readings. 

**Magnus** : Raphael has told me a similar story.  A dare by some of the other local boys had him going into the dog park as a human and returning a vampire.

-Ominous growling overheard –

**Magnus** : Alexander, a hooded figure has appeared in my studio.  They do not like us talking about the dog park.  Just stay away from there, darling.  I would hate for something to keep you from our dinner. 

**Alec** : Don’t worry, Magnus.  I’ll be there for our date.  I love you.

**Magnus** :  I love you too.

-Ten seconds of silence-

**Magnus** :  Well, listeners, it seems Alec has hung up.  I wish him and Lydia safe investigations and can only hope he will be back sooner rather than later as I have on my best tunic and leg warmers tonight and it would be a shame for him to miss all of this.

Our main story tonight, the Seelie Glade appears to have relocated from its usual location out in the desert to the empty lot where they’ve been planning to build the new Night Vale opera house.  It is also the location of the Boy Scout ceremonies that have been taking place with increasing frequency.  Seven boys this week have completed their Eternal Scouts requirements and have passed through into the veil.  This appearance of the Glade will certainly require postponing young Elliot’s ceremony this evening.  We’ve sent our intern Sebastian out to the scene and we should be hearing from him soon.

While we wait for more information, Old Woman Maryse who lives in the old church on the edge of town reported that angels visited her once more.  In particular, the Angel Raziel who appears to be particularly fond of our little town considering how often she tells us he is here.  This time, according to Maryse, he has come in search of hot cocoa.  With marshmallows.  According to the angel, the only way to drink cocoa is with marshmallows and those who do not are committing a grave sin.  I hope all you whipped cream lovers out there are taking note.  Remember listeners, there is no sense in going to hell over a poor choice of hot chocolate toppings.

And now a word from our sponsors. 

High above, the sun beats down.  Beams of heat and light pressing you into the ground, each moment pulling you another step closer to the end.  The heat is unbearable, wavy lines of moisture shimmer in the distance and there, you see it, an oasis from the heat.  You start to move forward, your body heavy from dehydration but so desperate for that life giving drink that you crawl forward, inch by inch over the cracked and hardened landscape.  You hear voices, music.  The clinking of glasses and sounds of merriment.  Another step and you will be there, among the crowd with a cold drink in hand.   Feet block your path.  You look up and a formidable figure blocks your path.  “Werewolves only,” the woman growls, pushing you back toward the desert.  You try again and her body shifts, bones move and fur grows.  A snarl is the last thing you hear and a massive set of teeth is the last thing you see. 

Hunters Moon.  Not for you.  Not even if you were dying.

An update on our top story, the Seelie Glade continues to sit in the abandoned lot at the center of town.  Intern Sebastian reports that the Seelie Knights are marching out of the glade in massive numbers.  I don’t know about you, listeners, but I for one had no idea there were so many Seelies in Night Vale.  It appears our sleepy little hamlet has become a real tourist destination for our faerie friends and brethren.  To the Seelies currently occupying downtown, I say welcome. We will have more on this story when I feel like it.

And now, _my_ top story, Alexander still hasn’t reported back from his scouting trip to the area surrounding the dog park.  With date night fast approaching, I would feel a lot better if he would just CALL ME ALREADY.  I’m sure everything is fine.  Why wouldn’t it be fine?  My boyfriend is just investigating a forbidden part of this town that we are not supposed to even acknowledge.  What could wrong?

 -takes deep breath and sighs audibly-

An update on traffic.  It appears the werewolf packs we have all been warned to avoid are traveling via Brooklyn Avenue towards the center of town.  Speculation is that they are heading toward Jade Wolf, a well-known werewolf hangout and the best dang Chinese food in all of Night Vale.  Everyone should head down there during the light of day and order their beef with broccoli.  Tell them Magnus sent you for the Community Radio discount of two percent off and an extra fortune cookie.  Drivers and pedestrians alike are warned to avoid the road until further notice.  Take Institute Drive instead.  It will add time to your trip but is much more scenic and free from pesky killer wolves.

Night Vale High School is putting on their annual spring musical, The Mortal Cup, this weekend only at the high school auditorium.  Dress up as your favorite character and get in for free.  All those who participate will be granted the best seats in the house, hanging from the rafters!  Ever wanted to be a part of theater?  This is your lucky day!

Ooh, listeners, we have a live report from intern Sebastian.  Sebastian, what can you tell us is going on down at the abandoned lot.

**Sebastian** : Magnus, hi.  It seems the Seelies have decided to march on downtown Night Vale.  The Queen is nowhere to be found but one of her knights is talking with Mayor Lightwood right now.  The rest of the fae army is marching by but the two of them seem to be in close negotiations.  Many of the Seelies have started lashing out at the people who have come to watch the procession.  I would guess two dozen people have been felled by their swords and arrows while the Mayor does nothing.

**Magnus** : You are talking about our town’s beloved Mayor Isabelle Lightwood who replaced that man’s whose name we have all been told to forget.

**Sebastian** : That’s right, Magnus.  The intensity burning in each of their eyes makes me worried about what might be going on.  We can only hope that she is negotiating the release of our town from these horrible creatures.  Or threatening to fight back.  I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing the streets run with faerie blood instead of the blood of the good people of this town.

**Magnus** : Sebastian!  That is no way to talk about our distinguished guests.  Their customs may be different than ours and they may look different and they may be killing citizens indiscriminately but that is no excuse for the name calling. 

**Sebastian** : You can’t see it, Magnus.  The slaughter continues and…  Oh no.  One is coming this way. 

**Magnus** :  They probably heard what you said about them.  Best to get indoors and stay there until it is safe.  Though, fae memories are quite long from what I have been told so you may be hiding for a while.

**Sebastian** :  Magnus!  You need to do something! 

-muffled screaming-

**Magnus** : Sebastian?  Are you there?

-silence-

To the family of intern Sebastian, we regret to inform you that he was lost in the line of community radio duty.  I wish I could say he would be missed but this town is better off without his negative attitude toward our guests.  We do, however, thank him and you for his sacrifice.

In other news, Jace Wayland – you know, the farmer – and his wife Clarissa are reporting an abundant crop of runed corn this season.  We are sure to see the market flooded with it in the coming weeks so stock up on those runed corn recipes.  I, for one, am looking forward to my friend Catarina’s runed corn bread.  Sure to spice up any chili dinner.

Back to the story from the top of the hour, it appears the Clave has escorted Victor Aldertree to their secret holding facility out behind the Arby’s.  According to eyewitnesses, Mr. Aldertree tried to propose to a werewolf he saw on the street corner as they led him away.  He sustained permanent damage.  And it appears the wolf walked away with a disgusting taste in its mouth as well if reports are to be believed. 

Just goes to prove the old adage true; one can fall in love with a werewolf but you cannot make them love you back.

-phone rings-

Oh! Listeners!  It seems I have a phone call from a certain scientist.  While we discuss our dinner plans, I take you to the weather.

-[The Weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzrrJlpdD3g&list=PLWRA_maY3BTaWwAmsHe5wE_ecMQNFrm4L&index=5)-

**Magnus** : Well, listeners, it seems our Seelie problem has cleared up.  In the end, it was an elaborate way for our intrepid Seelie knight hero to ask for the Mayor’s hand in marriage.  As is well known, a marriage proposal that does not result in the spilling of blood indicates a marriage that just won’t last.  It seems love is in the air tonight, listeners. I wish the lovebirds the best of luck and send my condolences to the families of those lost during the proposal. 

Except for intern Sebastian.  His family and this station are better off without him.

As for my own excitement for this evening, Alec and Lydia have returned safe and sound from their adventure with only a few mysterious symbols burned into their skin as a result.  Alexander is unsure just how many symbols there are and where they are all located so I believe my night is setting up to be a fun one filled with research and scientific exploration of Alexander’s beautiful body.

That is all the time we have so until next time, listeners.

Good night, Night Vale.  Good night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The weather is a song by a friend of mine. Give it some love. He's a wonderful guy.


End file.
